In the late 1960s and early 1970s, women’s life choices were limited. We could graduate from high school, get married and become a wife and mother, or we could graduate from high school, go to college, graduate (or not), get married and become a wife and mother, or we could graduate from both institutions and work as a teacher, nurse, or secretary until we found Prince Charming, got married, and became a wife and mother.
About that time, though, some women decided that they wanted other opportunities, other choices. That’s when the women’s movement got rolling, and television stepped in, showing us what life could look like if we decided to do something different.
When I was trying to decide what to do with my life – although I was pretty sure I wanted to be a high school English teacher like my mother – I was intrigued by those other possibilities. I watched Marlo Thomas in “That Girl,” and thought it would be really cool to have my own cute apartment and live in New York. And then I watched Mary Richards on “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and thought it would be cool to have my own apartment and live somewhere other than Minneapolis. It’s cold there. I realize that New York is also cold, but it is, after all, New York, where arts and letters abound.
These two women made me think about what I really wanted to do. My parents had always told me that I could be anything I wanted, and I tried to believe them, but I was scared of making the wrong decision. However, Ann Marie and Mary Richards opened new doors, showing me that women can live alone, find work and friends, and have a fulfilling life.
I remember one “That Girl” episode when Ann finally gets a part in a Broadway show. She is excited, but the show closes after three or four performances, and she is devastated. Her big worry: She had thought the play was good and would do well. How could she have been so wrong? And if she was wrong about that, was she also wrong about her own abilities? Maybe she should move home. But her father reads her a rave review of her performance, and she realizes that we hit bumps in the road, but those bumps do not mean that we fail at life. What a great lesson!
Mary Richards, though, was the woman I wanted to emulate. She was educated, came from a small Midwestern town, and found a good job in the big city, the only woman working with a team of men. She had her own apartment, shared her life with friends, and went out on lots of dates, none of them serious. Her life was interesting and challenging, and I wanted my life to be like that. I think that’s why I stumbled into law school at age 25. I had been living with a friend, and she and I were trying to find our paths forward. I was going out on dates, none of them serious, and I decided that I wanted to be able to support myself – like Mary Richards.
So I hit law school, shared a great duplex right off the Plaza with two friends, went to school, worked three jobs, went shopping on Thursday nights, and generally enjoyed life. Like Mary, I eventually found a good job, working with a team of men – and my friend Michele, who was the secretary of the department. It was about this time that I decided that I was interested in “getting serious,” and eventually, at age 30, married Max.
Now, Mary Richards, Mary Tyler Moore, has died. She was 80, and she had diabetes that had robbed her of her sight. But to me, she will always be the young woman in her late 20s and early 30s who showed me, and many like me, that my life could be what I made of it.
So far, I can’t complain. I’ve become a lawyer, a teacher, a writer, a church musician, a judge – oh, and a wife and mother. Thanks, Mary, for showing me I can make it after all.
